Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

One of my friends found this hilarious pinata at Etsy, and it is the perfect party accessory for your next childfree gathering:

Uterus Pinata

I imagine it filled with tiny bottles of liquor instead of candy, though, unless you really are using it as a period pinata.  In that case, it should be filled with chocolate, Pamprin, and alcohol!

I bet everyone’s New Year’s Eve plans aren’t quite the same as mine.  I’ll be starting 2011 with brand new ink.  Yes, that’s right; the Mister and I got tattoos last night!  Getting a tattoo was losing a cherry for the Mister, but not for me.  This is my second tattoo.  (I got a butterfly on my ankle when I was only 14.  I’m such a rebel…)  At any rate, here’s the fresh ink:

I'm Rated R

I’m not joking when I tell you the inspiration for this tattoo came to me in a dream.  During Thanksgiving, while in a sleep-deprived state at my Mom’s house, I had a dream in which everyone I knew was trying to get me to babysit their children, hold their children, etc.  In that dream, I simply smiled and said, “I can’t because I’m not rated for children.  See?”  I pulled up my sleeve to show them the Rated-R symbol on my wrist.

I woke up laughing from that dream, and I decided to get the tattoo.  Tattoos are supposed to be meaningful to the person getting them, and I figured that was pretty meaningful (and appropriate) since it came to me a dream.  After all, what does “Rated R” mean?

Children under 17 require an accompanying parent or adult.

It sums up my philosophy nicely.  I enjoy teenagers, and I don’t mind being around those 17 or older without a parent.  Anything under that, though, and I’m out!

In addition, movies typically earn an R rating for a variety of reasons: strong language, nudity, drug use, excessive violence.  I definitely have a salty tongue, and I enjoy my fair share of bourbon.  I’m not too big on excessive violence, but I probably would still earn an R rating by the fundies at the MPAA.  In essence, I am not the person you want supervising your children unless you don’t mind them drinking whiskey and playing Xbox 360 until 2am. (props to Wanda Sykes for that joke)

So, there you have it!  That’s how I’m beginning 2011.  Well, that, and I have a bottle of Cristal waiting on me for later this evening.    What can I say?  I like tattoos and high-end champagne.  I’m a conundrum wrapped in an enigma.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!